I mean; this is a good thing, isn’t it? Having more exposure to adults who aren’t out to get them is a good way for kids to learn what their boundaries are and what good, healthy inter-generational relationships can look like. If adults and minors never interact, children will never learn what a healthy interaction is, and then when a bad actor comes along it will be much, much harder to spot red flags.
I get kind of skeeved out when I like, see adults who solely hang out with groups of teens and kids, sure, but I know I would have been pissed if I had been talked down to/treated differently because I was a kid when I was younger lol. The only time I pulled the “don’t talk to me like that, I’m 14” card was when someone was trying to hit on me
Yess god this too. I do think- at least in the US- it is also just generally part of a larger societal tendency to think of sex as being inherently more damaging and Adult than even the highest level of violence. For better or worse- and this is a much larger discussion, obviously- a child playing games where people get beheaded and explode and there’s blood everywhere is seen as much more acceptable than a child playing games with any sort of reference to sex, sexuality, bodies, etc.
But if we treated exposing children to extreme violence with the same level of seriousness and fear as we did with exposing them to the very concept of sex, then we would have to grapple with the fact that many children learn about extreme violence firsthand via ‘intruder drills’ and descriptions of violence in schools. And grappling with that would force us to reckon with the violence and gun issues in the country.
Sorry, I shouldn’t have said “any context” because I was thinking specifically about more private forms of communication like Discord. I don’t think it’s inherently an issue for a wide range of ages to socialize together in publicly accessible places like forums and social media because anyone can see what’s going on and it would be hard to get away with anything too crazy.
Also, I realize I was being hypocritical for implying that adults should never talk to minors no matter what while also saying that minors can be just as dangerous. Still, I do think adults and minors generally shouldn’t be DMing each other and hanging out in more private areas.
hmmm while i understand the concern for safety, i prefer to steer people away from thinking that “all adults are dangerous to all children”; there’s plenty of normal reasons to DM people online, and i think that child predators should be treated as an exception rather than a rule! i think educating people about what types of interactions are and aren’t appropriate is a better way to go.
in particular i think that “assume all grownups are dangerous and can’t be trusted in private” as a mindset is bad for kids; it both normalizes bad behavior (“all private interactions with adults are like this, so it’s not that big a deal”) and discourages kids from developing trusting relationships with adults who they feel they could ask for help or advice from (“all adults are predators, so there is no one who would help me”).
like - a kid who has one online adult friend who says “all other adults are predators but you can trust ME, i’m different, no need to talk to anybody else besides me :))))))” is in a much more precarious and dubious position than a kid who has five online adult friends. being able to recognize “hey, those other adults don’t talk to me like this - something’s not right here” is a really useful tool in the toolbox that shouldn’t be discounted. in my opinion anyway, as someone who has been a kid with adult friends and an adult with kid friends!
when the advice to kids who are dealing with literally any problem - abuse, self-image, bullying, depression, sex, peer pressure, whatever - is “talk to a trusted adult” it is really important to make sure that they are able to do that! people online are not any more dangerous than people in person, is the thing.
a key element of online predation/grooming is making kids feel isolated; distancing them from anybody who might be able to help them. ensuring that people have robust personal support networks, including grownups who have their shit together and not just other frightened children, is really important!
I’d just like to suggest that adults shouldn’t knowingly be the first to DM minors in most situations. If a minor DMs me, that’s one thing. I would tell them that I’m an adult in my forties if they didn’t already know that and give them the chance to nope out if they want. But if I know somebody is under 18, I probably won’t DM or email them unless they’re talking about self-harm in public spaces. I don’t want to impose myself upon young people; I resented such intrusions at that age.
shrugs! seems more like a personal preference to me than a good rule of thumb for online safety. like… there’s lots of adults who find DMs offputting or intrusive, and kids are just as capable of saying “no thanks” or blocking you or ignoring you.
i have no interest in DMing anybody at all unless i have to regardless of their age - i don’t think anybody Has To talk to kids if they don’t want to (i don’t want to) - but i don’t think “don’t interact with children/adults online” is any better than 90s/00s d.a.r.e stranger danger stuff, which is 1) silly 2) ineffective and 3) not grounded in reality! i think online safety education can & should be a bit better than that
i personally went through the same thing, being extensively taught about internet safety, to never use your real name and put your face on the internet or you’ll get kidnapped (something along those lines). more than ever, people are talking about the effects of social media, what comes with it and the like, but i always felt like internet safety got disregarded once we were finished being taught about it in school. people are getting access to the internet younger than ever, i genuinely think some form of online safety education in this day and age is SO important, it’s practically a must have.
i appreciate the video and this kind of discussion, it makes good food for thought and honestly makes me feel acknowledged in not being the only one noticing it (if that makes sense?).
Well said, and I strongly agree. Assuming all adults are dangerous to children and thus adults and children should never interact with each other online is not helpful in improving online safety for children, while educating people about what types of interactions are and aren’t appropriate is way better, and I would argue essential in online safety education.
Having adults with healthy relationships with is beneficial for children’s growth, because they would have trusted adults with more life experience than them that they can learn and get advice from, and it gives children a frame of reference for what healthy relationships with adults are like, and thus improving their ability to recognise if some other adults are being inappropriate to children.
Of course it is. Kids can indeed do as they like. And I, if I know they’re a kid, will most likely leave them alone unless they reach out to me first. If they don’t, that’s fine by me. The only difference between me and most adults my age or older is that I know and readily admit that I have no idea what in Crom’s name I’m doing. I’m improvising at every turn.
